Today I almost killed something extremely meaningful to me. The sad part is, I had even forgotten that it had any value in my life.
Before college started, like any other college student, I took a nice trip to IKEA with my mom to buy the necessities for my dorm. One of the things I was most excited for was to buy cute little plants for my room. (If you see where this is going, bare with me here.) So, I got to the plant aisle, and I was really upset to see that there were no more succulents left. So I said to myself, I’ll get a different plant! Something unique, that resembles me! My eyes were instantly drawn to a section of lucky bamboos.
After buying my bamboo, I was ecstatic. This was going to be my child! Im going to take care of it and build it a nice terrarium! Having this plant was special to me because it was lucky and thats all that mattered. The first thing I thought to myself was that, as long as I keep this plant alive, I know that everything will be okay.
Welp, 4 months into college and I’ve barley had time to think let alone even breathe. Waking up this morning I looked out the window and noticed my lucky bamboo was turning yellow. Its stem was shriveling up. I didn’t understand? Why was it dying, Ive been giving it all the sunlight it could ask for! I was shocked when I realized that the vase was deprived of water. How could I have been so distracted to not even realize to water my own plant for four months? My lucky plant was dying, and I realized that everything was not okay.
Thats when it came to me. I haven’t had much control over my life lately. I’ve been so distracted with thousands of different things and caught up with stress. Ive been in a vicious non-stop pattern of worrying, then stressing, then repressing, (and repeat) about my future that I forgot about the present. I haven’t been living in the moment. As a person who is always promoting that, it really struck me when I wasn’t even abiding by my own values!
I have forgotten to take care of the things that mean the most to me. Being in college it is really difficult to have time just for yourself. To think about what you want, who you are, and maintain a personal life, and just create and do what you love. I haven’t even had time to maintain any close friendships or relationships with my family other than the quick “hows everything?” “good.” “good!” My relationship with Tanner has been a heavy weight on me as well, too much stressing about our future and how are things going to work out.
Time has flew by so fast the past couple months and I feel like my mind is racing to catch up with my body. The good thing is, even though it only took me 4 months to realize it, I’ve realized it now, and I’m only human. I was losing myself and the only thing I can do now is make amends and grow!
Moral of the story, put your phone or you homework down, stop stressing, and take mental health day. Just to relax, think, create, and stay close with your inner self.
PS – water your plants!!!
P.S.S – Happy Halloween!