I love you, but I hate you more.

I love you because you make me feel warm, I hate you because your emotions are so cold. I love you when you say my name but I hate you when you make me feel worthless.

You have forever been my worst sworn enemy. You live to hate me, to laugh at my flaws, to call me fat, and to torture me.

Every second I stand in front of you, you chew me up and spit me out. You mimick me and compress my self confidence lower and lower.  

As I stand naked and exposed, you pinch my skin and pull me apart. You grab my ass and say “too loose”,  yank at my hair, laugh at my acne, and fill your empty hands with my large thighs.

And just when I feel like I am at my highest  point, feeling so confident, pretty and light, where I just want to twirl around and smile, you look me in the eyes and yell, “Too girly!”

 “On mondays, you’re chubby. On tuesdays, you’re average. On Wednesdays you’re pretty! On Thursdays, you gained weight. And on Fridays, looks like you should probably just stay in today.”

I thought I was beautiful, but I guess I am not. You once told me I was but you changed your thought.

You are everywhere I go. You follow me into the bathroom, the mall, my bedroom, and in every corner of my car. You hide in the reflection of windows and at the bottom of a lake.

You are not my friend, please don’t say my name like that again. You will not mentally manipulate me anymore and you will not physically distort me.

Dear my old friend Mirror, I love you, but I hate you more.

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